10 days and counting....

10 days.. 10 days.. 10 days..

It is officially 10 days till I climb onto a very small plane (don't get me started on that) and head to Sydney in preparation for the the big one a day later!

My goodness me, no turning back now, it's really happening! The hard work of 6 ladies with some amazing and generous support from our communities, friends and family far and wide.... physical training aside I am so proud of the amount of energy and effort that has been expended to get us to this point. I am really grateful to be a part of this with some pretty amazing ladies.. they have kept me propped up and peddaling and when my anxiety hits fever pitch I know I can rely on them to talk me out of breaking my arm, "slipping" off the porch or any of the other stupid ideas I have had in the past few weeks. It's amazing what your brain tells you is possible when your in panic mode!

My anxiety is reaching new heights with each day that ticks by, BUT I can feel myself becoming a little harder with each day too. I am not one to give up easily and usually when I am committed to something, that's that... it WILL get done. And this is no different. So as my anxiety rises in a stupid way so too does my stubbornness to get on that plane, ride my butt off and have some fun (YES I SAID FUN) with my lovely friends.

This week I completed just over 187km on the bike, which over 7 days isn't a lot per day, but it is a HUGE jump in the right direction for me. Just getting on the bike EVERY day has been awesome.. I am feeling way more comfortable and I am aiming to keep going every day until we hit the sky!

Oscar keeps telling me how many sleeps are left... he is starting to say he doesn't want me to go :( It's very sad, but he will be more than fine here without me (gasp) and I am already dreaming about coming home and squeezing them all that much tighter.

So my job in the next 10 days is to make sure my anxiety levels are not higher than my determination levels... I am going to try to get it under control, they will be fine, they will be more than fine. I will be fine, I will be more than fine... I am going to take some time out for myself with a couple of my besties and some other lovely friends, eat some amazing food, see some amazing sights and create some amazing memories to share with my family when I get home :)

And it's going to be wonderful xx

TICK TOCK....

With just over 2 weeks till we fly out for our big adventure, I have really hit my straps with this riding thing (or at least I am doing MUCH better than I have).

My aim this week is to ride EVERY day and so far I am sticking to it! I have ridden 90km in 3 days which is SOOO much more than I have done leading up to this point.

Getting on the bike every day has certainly challenged me in a load of ways. I have dragged the bike trainer inside so I can keep one eye on the children and throw a movie on the TV to keep riding, long past my comfort zone. 33km, 28km and yesterday 30km... if I can keep this up for the week, next week I plan to up that to a bit more each day!

Last minute preparations are in order and I have started penning notes for Adam to read to the kids each day I am away (H.A.R.D but kind of fun too)... Oscar has started counting down the sleeps which makes it VERY hard to stay focused... poor little man gets this look on his face when he tells me how many sleeps :( But I have told them I am going to buy them a  little gift for every day I am away, so the frown the sentence starts with soon turns to a grin when he remembers that's 14 presents!!!!

My anxiety levels are still VERY high, but with my concentration now pretty much solely on making sure I ride every day for a substantial amount I am thinking about it less and less (although of course it never leaves me that in a few weeks I will not see these little angels and my husband - he's okay too - for 2 weeks).

I haven't been able to source the RABIES vaccine so please if your reading this, encourage the universe to keep rabid dogs and monkey's away from our group... I think I mentioned in my last post that it would be just my luck that a monkey would try to hitch a ride being I will most definetly be at the back of the pack... so good vibes universe - keep the monkeys and dogs AWAY if you can!!!!! I think I am the only stress head even worrying about this sort of thing, but hey someone has to be the weird one, it may as well be me :)

My team is full of some amazing women who have been smashing this riding thing each and every week all year, I just hope I can keep within eye sight of them.. that is my goal! And of course, maybe enjoy a RHONDA moment or two post rides!

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK!

A little scary....

It has been such a long time since my last post... I guess I have been busy with life as I know it! But jumping on and publishing a blog would also mean admitting once again that I am terrified of time ticking away, of take off!!!!

My bike riding skills have increased some, I am at 30km for my biggest ride so far which I am really REALLY happy about - my aim in the next few weeks is to get in the seat EVERY day! Something that is quite tricky with 3 small kids, a working husband and a farm outside these four walls not stopping and waiting for me to get "BIKE FIT"!!!!!

I am still not loving the riding, but I am getting better and I am working on my mind set :) I know I can do this, I have faith in myself... but I am also super aware that my mental preparation is just as important as my physical one (if not more so).

Everyone keeps telling me I will be fine when I get there, I won't have time to worry about home etc.. but the truth is I am terrified, TERRIFIED of leaving my little family behind. Terrified of what 'might' happen while I am gone, terrified of what I will miss.. terrified they won't miss me.. all really sad things for a mummy :(

But I digress.... I AM working on my state of mind (did I mention that already?), focusing on the GOOD and trying as much as I can to push the negative aside.
It is tough though... I received a text message from one of my lovely team mates reminding us it was 5 weeks to the day last week... well I was excited for a second and then panic set in! I started to think about leaving and I got upset... really upset. And then my son on cue asks me how many sleeps I will be away for and OH LORDY the emotional rollercoaster is in full swing then!
But after every "session" of feeling sad and emotional, I remember why I signed up for this journey in the first place and a big part of it was to prove to myself that I COULD! So much of who I am is tied up in my family, but not for 2 weeks in November... then it's all about me (cue selfish smirk and evil music)!!!!

On another note, I have been jabbed and pumped full of so many foreign diseases in the past fortnight I am at least sure I won't be coming home with some random illness... I have probably gone a little overboard but figure this is something I can control. Who doesn't love a big spend up on random vaccinations!
At the end of the day knowing my luck some crazed wild monkey will jump onto my bike and hitch a ride through one of the villages...being one of the slowest bike riders to EVER ride.. no seriously S.L.O.W.... I will be at the back of the pack and just ripe for the monkey hitch hikers! Hey I might actually go faster if that happens woot woot - where can I guarantee me a monkey hitcher!!

All in all, we have under 5 weeks till take off. (There I said it and I am dry eyed... YES!) Planning mode is well and truly underway... a few more wardrobe additions, some new joggers, LOADS of hand sanitiser  and a truck load of dutch courage ON ORDER!!!! I am also starting to think about some donations for the ORPHANAGE we visit... they are in need of baby formula - starting to think do I buy that here or there? I would LOVE to leave them with something from my visit ... so the hunt is on for a way to buy it cheaply here and transport it.. or whether to chance it over there???? Any ideas most welcome :)

Off to look at my bike and consider jumping on ... two kids in care, one asleep - what's the bet the minute I get on George wakes up and wants to play.. oh well, the joys of trying to fit it all in!!!!!!!! Thanks for reading x

Being selfish and needing something that is just for me... that is what I am struggling with at the moment.

I get so caught up in what everyone else needs, after all that is my job isn't it? I am mother to three gorgeous kidlets and wife to a wonderful man who is juggling working full time out of the house and running a full time business when he gets home.

An attack of the 'mummy guilt' is never far away from me lately.

I am trying my best to balance all that is this amazing journey for Arthritis and all that brings with it, my work committments (I work once a fortnight out of the house and up to an hour a day other than that, I also coordinate an annual Festival in Coonamble - The MOORAMBILLA FESTIVAL (google it if you have time, it's amazing) & try to help out with a few committee's here and there in town), my beautiful family, our farming business & of course life in general - cleaning, washing, cooking blah blah blah.. we all know the drill. I know I am not Robinson Crusoe, but I seriously take my hat off to those women who manage to do all this (AND MORE) and still look like the cover of VOGUE!!!!

Now I consider myself to be a pretty resourceful character, but I am also just a struggling mother trying to get through each day without losing my 'schnitzel' good and proper. Sometimes I need help, sometimes I need to be left alone and sometimes I NEED to be selfish... so why can't I just do it???

The amazing group of women I am soon going to be cycling around Vietnam and Cambodia with..
(OH MY GOODNESS DID I MENTION WE ARE NOW 5... NOT 4!!!!! A huge welcome to JESS from Canowindra who will be cycling with us... SOOOOO great to have you on board xx)...
These women are my inspiration, they work, they have families, they have full full full lives and they are still managing to fit in cycling, fitness training and yes, mostly they look like the cover of VOGUE (don't be shy ladies.. you do :)). So my focus at the moment is on just getting myself to a point where I can just do what I need and balance my families needs too! Any hints on doing this would be greatly appreciated by the way!
I don't want to give up the things I love doing (the committees, the work etc), I just want to balance it all better, that's all.... not too much to ask really!

I know it's do-able and I know that being a tiny bit selfish sometimes is the key... we are all a little bit selfish at times surely, aren't we?

So how am I going to do it and not just write about it....
I am starting Michelle Bridges 12WBT in a few weeks, and I am super excited about it: fitter, leaner and more energy... sounds like just the ticket for this mumma!!! I think if I can just drop a few kg's, get on my bike more (a static bike trainer sits in wait on my deck.. woot woot) and most importantly practise ALLOWING myself the time I need to balance ALL OF IT.. things will be looking up :)

The end of April brought with it some AWESOME and JAW DROPPING fundraising efforts and a new team member for Jane, Marissa, Sal and I.. I am so excited to see what MAY brings! Coonamble has a very exciting performance of ROCKY HORROR coming up in June.. we set our sights on that now and can't wait for it!

Thank you to all our supporters for getting us to this point in our journey - the support we have all recieved has been super amazing and very humbling! It is what keeps me going even when my mummy guilt is off the radar and I am unable to find the time to ride my bike or hit the gym.

I will succeed though, that much I know (mummy guilt and all)!

20km....

Thus far the biggest ride I have been on and I am a little proud of myself. As Coonamble cools down and we get some morning sunlight my chances for riding increase greatly! I am limited by my husband and children for now - trying to coordinate everyone for some free time is tricky, but it won't be long and I will be hitting the bitumen at the crackers getting this body ready for November.

My excitement for riding hasn't increased greatly yet, but who knows...  a few more early mornings, fresh air and beautiful scenery (minus the brown snake that nearly brought Marissa and I unstuck on yesterdays peddle...) and who knows I might even LIKE this whole bike riding thing! Looking out over the stubble paddocks as we fly along, I can almost imagine the rice paddies... and it's a great thought. Ok, maybe "fly along" implies we are moving at warp speed when we are not... but I managed a modest 15km/h yesterday and again, I am a little proud of myself! Marissa and our new trainer LUKE (together we are the TOORA RD BIKE GANG) can definetely blow me away with speed, but managing to maintain 15km/h is good enough for me.. surely I can improve on that as we go along!

Our fundraising efforts are going along extremely well, we are all feeling really positive about hitting (and smashing) our targets for both fundraising and travel... it's a huge ask, but we are all super motivated and nothing stops a lady when she has her mind set (let alone FOUR)! The response from family and friends has been nothing short of AMAZING and it humbles me to my core that there are people out there willing to support us not only emotionally, but with their hard earned :)

Today I am writing a submission to ROTARY, outlining our trip including an itinerary, the reasons behind the trip and full costings for all our expenses which Marissa and I are excited to present to them tonight! It has made me go over everything for the first time since earlier this year. And ofcourse I am excited all over again!!!! Although it has also brought to the surface those negative feelings I am trying to ignore... leaving my family :( Driving home from Dubbo late last week I found myself crying at the wheel as I played out getting on the plane and flying to Vietnam for the challenge.... I have to stop myself looking at the kids and wondering... it's hard, it's REALLY hard. BUT I am trying to let other things keep my focus, like fitness and riding... and fundraising :)

So, I can still walk today after my 20km yesterday (which surprises me) and even better, I am looking forward to the next ride to see if I can go just a little bit further :) No turning back now...

Perspective.... A little something that can be easily lost!

This is what has challenged me of late... perpsective... it is just too easy to forget the who, what, where and most importantly WHY! My journey is more than one dimension... all the parts fit together to make it the special, life changing, monumentous event that it is and will be.

A timely reminder from a very wise man (who may or may not be my husband) came this evening over Thai green curry and a glass of "very good for me" grape juice :) I will never admit this out loud, although now that I am writing it I guess he will inevitably see it and know.... but he has really and truly helped me sort out my thoughts, a HUGE feat let me tell you.

I am clinging this week to why I am doing "this thing"... clinging to the idea of something that is all mine, something (apart from keeping my thoughts clear) my beautiful family just cannot help me with! I need this, I need to step outside my little world and seek to learn more about me.. more about what makes me who I am - good or bad.

In order to clarify the why I am remembering the who - my beautiful friends.. people who mean the world to me, people who would (and DO) reach out to help me through my struggles big or small... being with them adds a dimension to this journey I wouldn't change for all the treasure in Ali Baba's cavern.

In order to clarify the why I am remembering the what - the ride of a lifetime, a HUGE hurdle for me (and if I am being perfectly honest with myself and you too.. I actually don't even really like to ride, I get bored and when I get off my bike I wobble around like a telly tubby... here's hoping that changes with time and practise!) and a massive fundraising venture for Arthritis NSW. I have been a part of so many fundraisers, for so many different things, but not many that have seen me asking for ME.. asking people to support ME on a journey that is bigger than BEN HUR (at least to me anyway). It adds a whole new dimension to the journey and while it often creates a knot in my stomach I know I am supported by alot of awesome people and with their help I can do it.. OR at least the FOUR FIT LADIES can do it, hand in hand as we pedal along our way (obviously not literally, that would be weird watching the four of us coming up the road really holding hands... I mean I can barely stay on the bike with two hands let alone one LOL).

In order to clarify the why I am remembering the where - VIETNAM... oh my goodness what an amazing destination, even if I am going to be super saddle sore and missing my crew like nothing else.

So as I continue to traverse the challenges that face me personally and physically I will remember what MY wise man said tonight... I will remember and I will do my very best to adopt his clarity, remove the fuzz from my brain and move forward stronger and less concerned about the "silly stuff" that has clogged my insecure and flawed head of late.

Insecure and flawed... I am NOT a big fan of those words.. so with some help from this beautiful family of mine I will BANISH them from my head. It's onwards and upwards from here...

And speaking of ONWARDS and UPWARDS we held our first fundraiser in Coonamble last night and raised an ASTOUNDING $1300 towards our journey... I am in complete awe of the community I live in - 90 people attended our trivia night and helped us launch our campaign with a massive BANG! I am so grateful to my team mates for making it happen along with all the helpers we had along the way.. what a TRULY humbling experience! Pinch Pinch Pinch.. yep really happening, 38 weeks to go :) WOO HOO!!!!!!!

Now the fun can REALLY begin.........................

After a glorious 2 week holiday with my family in Victoria the time has come for my OFFICIAL training period to commence. Gone are the late lunches, long lunches, take out, take in, super amazing yumminess of holidays.. as I say hello to a regime of sweat laden fitness, many km's of riding and of course salad 101 ways!

In all seriousness though, it's a tad exciting to think about getting my slightly sloppy and a little floppy self into a healthy routine of working out, eating well and of course RIDING.. something I have never really done before, but am looking forward to.

I picked up my training bike this past week in Canowindra, unloaded it here at home and now I have to keep focused on actually riding it around .. time has already flown since I signed up for this big amazing trip and now it's time to knuckle down and really start getting this body into the zone of being physically able to complete the mission. Now I am not scared of the fitness, I am not even scared of the "seat" muscles I will require to be able to walk each afternoon I ride (ok that's a lie, I am a little freaked by the whole "seat" fitness required) but getting it done is going to be a HUGE challenge for me. Timing is everything, I have armed myself with a huge family organizer and a diary into which I am plugging every minute I have already assigned in my year (which with family commitments, work, these 3 cherubs and a couple of committee's is already HECTIC to say the least)... now the focus must be on getting ready - the gym and actually cycling around are now being thrown into the planner and I can tell you THAT has me running a little scared.

All that aside however I am being supported by an amazing husband and family, and of course my team mates who are all facing the "juggle" too... I am not the lone ranger at all - we are all putting so much on the line to make this journey and it is such an achievement, something we will all look back on with wonder and amazement when we are old ladies no doubt!

I can't go on any further without giving a HUGE Thank you to everyone who has made a donation to our cause so far - you are all amazing and have catapulted us to our half way mark for Arthritis NSW. Of course our dream would be to smash our target and go for the heavens, but to be halfway this early is really uplifting and just means the world to us all. IF you are yet to make a donation or are coming along to an event we are running, buying a raffle ticket or just giving us your moral support - THANK YOU, every bit counts, helps and continues to inspire us on our journey for Arthritis!

So sit tight folks, I am launching this body into the realm of sweat, pain and hurt - always keeping my goal at the front of my mind, my resolve is concrete and I will not give in. I am sure there will be moments where I waiver and no doubt a Sauv blanc or two get slurped along the way (yes with cheese and crackers too OH MY), but I figure they don't say "Rome wasn't built in a day" to be funny, it's true - One day at a time, one challenge at a time - I will get this body ready for the ride of a life time in November... I WILL!!!!!!!


     

Well, here I am.. sitting at my computer thoughts at the ready for my first EVER blog!
I wanted to start this blog to document the HUGE and MONUMENTALLY life changing journey I am embarking on with two of my besties and another lovely new friend.

If you are reading this you most likely know what I am referring too... a fundraising adventure for Arthritis NSW.. cycling from through Vietnam and into Cambodia.

The moment Jane told me about her intention to cycle across Vietnam for Arthritis research my interest was sparked. Jane was diagnosed with arthritis in recent times and knowing her struggles and daily routines with it ,all I could think was.. this lady is amazing, a little mad (sorry love), but mostly an inspiration and well, I just wanted to sit beside her as she made this incredible journey - sore "seat" and aching muscles and all!!!!!
I looked over at my husband as Jane described the trip and he mouthed.. "GO FOR IT"!!! Well I laughed at this point and I think I said something like.. "I can't, what about the kids????"

Of course we all laughed and made jokes about Adam handling the kids for 2 weeks ALONE.. but deep down my heart was racing with just the notion that maybe this was do-able. So in true Macrae fashion (those who know me well will know I don't tend to half do things and when Adam and I decide something is a go-er... well, that's that then, case closed) we chatted for a while once everyone was in bed and wham bam thank you Adam... I was going to push bike it around Vietnam with one of my besties!

Telling Jane I was joining her on the ride was beautiful, there were a few tears but mostly excitement and we jumped on and signed me up straight away before I had a chance to over think the whole thing.

Since then another bestie (don't you just love that word) joined the crew and all of a sudden we were three young mums leaving our (between us) 8 children in the care of their fathers and taking the plunge into a huge cycling challenge unlike anything we had ever done before.

But ofcourse you can see we are FOUR fit ladies, cue Sal's entrance into the team! Sal is an inspiration all on her own, mum to one our dear friends Scoots, Sal is officially our team trainer and is the only experienced rider in our little bunch!

And then there were FOUR!

So for now we are taking it one step at a time, Sal & Jane in Canowindra, Marissa and I here in Coonamble - a foursome of strong, dedicated & enthusiastic ladies all geared up to tackle this challenge head on!

Over the coming months we will fundraise our "seat" sore butts off for ARTHRITIS NSW, ride our bikes ALOT, get fit and most importantly prove to ourselves we can do something amazing. Come along for the ride on facebook and follow www.facebook.com/FourFitLadies

 As an aside, I told Oscar (my eldest bub) that I was going to ride a bike in another country for two weeks.. the cutest thing in the world was he thought that was cool, but he teared up because he was going to miss me. I think one of the most challenging things for me is going to be walking onto the plane and leaving my three beautiful babies behind.. I consider myself to be a strong person mostly, but seeing his little eyes tear up 10 months before I am actually going anywhere.. well it just makes me unbelievably honoured to be his mum and TERRIFIED of what is to come. But hey, that's part of my journey and I think a part that is going to make me a better mother out the other side.

I look forward to sharing this with you, lumps, bumps and all. This is my journey and wow what a whopper!